Sisters, Super Models, and Theft
Heading for Our Second Banda Xmas

071211 We are off. With my sister and her husband, Willemien and Maarten. To Entebbe, where we will drop them, then to Ngamba where we have agreed to meet a Dutch TV crew, finally to Dominic on Banda, to celebrate Christmas, we were promised, with good company and roasted pig. We leave early, to have three spare days and be sure not to miss the TV crew. On the the second day total progress was 1km. Serious head wind: Buvuma channel waves made you think you reached the open lake already. Heavy rainstorms at night, the next morning headwind persisted, even in the morning when normally it blows the other way. To our guests one day on anchor with waves was enough. They opt for an outboard canoe trip back to Kingfisher. We struggle on.

Photo: Willemien and Maarten, left: still in the mood, right: getting off

After 4 days we did only two-third of the distance to Ngamba and missing the meeting with the TV crew (next day: planning, day after: filming) now was a serious possibility. Moreover, we had agreed to make their food, and were out of vegetables. Anchored with head wind, no MTN mobile coverage, only one of us had Celtel, but with only USh 2000 (euro0.90) airtime loaded. I decided to use our last communication opportunity to ask Loek to come the next day early with vegetables and tow us if necessary.

071216 02:00 Night, East wind. We're off. Wind freshens to Bf. 5 and we move over 12km/hrs, very dangerous on a pitch dark lake crammed with fishermen sleeping in canoes guarding their fishnets. After an enervating race without accidents we see Ngamba at sunrise, MTN coverage is back, we call Loek to come to Ngamba with his bucket of eggplant and green pepper.  

Photo: Loek (40 Hp) at Ngamba, from Entebbe, with a bucket of veggies for our TV crew, standby to tow us

Our TV crew came to record an interview of "supermodel" Doutzen Kroes (22). In my local Jinja restaurant 2Friends I had inquired what is a supermodel and had been explained that a model is in VOGUE and a supermodel is on VOGUE. That turned out to be a good clue: Kroes was both in and on.

Photos: Doutzen: Left: in VOGUE, right: shopping (?)

The interviewer would be local Dutch celebrity John de Mol

John Carel de Mol,
known as Johnny de Mol,
28, Dutch actor,
son of John de Mol and Willeke Alberti
(Wikipedia).

The crew arrived from Entebbe with 45 km/hrs in a 280 Hp power boat, Doutzen, born Eastermar, Friesland, of course sails herself, asked for the toilet, but, being properly educated, immediately added she was not shy of going overboard if we did not have one. But we did. Johnny tried our hammock, which broke. He fell on deck, the beer bottle in his hand foaming an impressive fountain. Not hurt. I, tens of kilo's heavier, had been in all morning, so this was a remarkable rebellion. They liked our lunch. We set sail. Recording director Lisanne Faddegon ordered captain to steer. After protesting, saying a captain's task is sitting, drinking, and only swearing and shouting when something goes wrong, he resigned and steered, considering he got paid for this and Veronica TV directors know what TV spectators expect of captains.

Photo: Never wash it again: Johnny de Mol and Doutzen Kroes on my Masaai blanket (my valuable assistance in preparations was folding the label of her top inside).

An interview on our front deck followed, during which they opened a bottle of champagne. During a cut Johnny, the good chap, came to offer a glass to the captain. We hoisted the Frisian flag, brought - surprise for Kroes -  by Johnny. I had taught my crew four Frisian words:  when I would say: "Butter, brea 'n griene tjiis : wa dot net sizze kin ..." ("Butter, bread and green cheese [a Frisian pronunciation test], who cannot say that..."), they would shout loudly: "Is gjin opriochte Frys"  ("is not a real Frisian"). Lisanne was very concentrated on getting sound and video in minimal time and was at first reluctant to consider captain's proposal, but after he got through, everybody seemed to be happy with the result so we expect a Swahili-Frisian yell on Dutch TV somewhere around March 2008. Channel: Veronica.

Doutzen amused by my crew's Frisian yell (captured from Veronica TV programme)

Program series: Where is John? Episode: John de Mol with Doutzen Kroes in Uganda. [relevant cutout of video on YouTube; later the yell we did turned out to not to have been cut out and was even repeated the next day; it got nominated for a Dutch TV price.
We dropped them on Ngamba, camera and its crew first, to record Kroes and de Mol landing, so we had to say goodbye to them, but they stayed to go to the shore after the camera was ready there to record them going there. That left the three of us together without cameras and Doutzen started to interview me, asking whether I really lived alone on this boat. My pointing at my crew did not satisfy her, so I told her that when you get older everything starts hanging and rotting, and anyhow, all you can do with a woman...
You can do without being married, she said.
I 've just about done in my life, I finished, my ambitions are down.
I do not believe it, Doutzen said, giving me a reason to invite her to stay another month for a test, but the subject somehow changed to celebrity, and I said: do you know "Doutzen Kroes" yields 440 000 results when typed on Google, twice that of :"Mata Hari"?
She didn't. She had heard the name Mata Hari. How many results do you have? She asked Johnny
Oh 600 000.
I had checked the figure but decided not to bring it in the conversation.
Then we really said goodbye. At sunset went on to Entebbe.

"You have given airtime worth 3,000/= to 0774151677. Doi's number, an SMS from my mobile provider MTN. It had not been my fingers typing the SMS airtime transfer.
"I will try to call the number which received the airtime" I announced on board.
Doi's phone rang (Doi's page).
What followed was a long session of passionate denial even though I pointed out that surely somebody's fingers had been on my phone Tuesday morning at 07:14 to send airtime to Doi's SIM card. Passionate denial complete with tears and breakdown. When alone with Philemon he kept up the theatre. There was no explanation how anybody else could have done it, nor was a reason given why he had not been surprised to see 3000 airtime on his phone. Simply lacking the brains to consider what are realistic lies he maneuvered himself into a one in billions probability by denying he 1. did it, 2. knew how to do it, and 3. received it. Once again I learned this basic lesson of life: if you are stupid, you'd better be honest.

Friday 071221 I did a bus trip Jinja-Kampala to submit papers for my visa extension. Doi had not made any move on the subject. Philemon told me some nice stories on trust building strategies of his father. I decided to feed Doi with some acceptation, then try again to bring him to reason.

We left (details ^{[password protected]}). Somewhere between Entebbe and Banda, Philemon was on an after-lunch nap and Doi steering.
You are feeling better today? I asked
Yes he did.
Do you now remember you send airtime to your phone number?
No, he did not. But, he added, he now remembered Peter to have used my phone to ask someone to send airtime to him (Peter).
So to avoid having to face it, he was now even ready to cast doubt on one of his best friends.
I concluded this silly game would be here to stay. Meanwhile his body language was full of excuse: naturally lazy, he stepped up his activity and helpfulness on board. At night in sleep, Philemon, who sleeps next to him, reported, he started grinding his teeth making a grating sound.
What next? I decided I had time until our return to Jinja to decide whether or not to kick him off the dhow, 3000 airtime is euro 1.35, but what is next? He becomes adult now. Very few adult Africans are agreeable to have in your house, and it is of course a matter of environmental bio-ethical responsibility to release them back in the wild as soon they start showing the ability to survive independently.