Golf Rules

Rules
I read
Yves C. Thon-That's golf Rules & Etiquette Crystal Clear
and short list here some surprises for me as a newcomer to the game

I do not remember ever to have read a book by someone who suppressed his name from the front cover, like Yves C. Thon-That, Master of Law and golf Rule Official with handicap 4, did with his golf Rules & Etiquette Crystal Clear (http://www.golfrulesmadeeasy.com). That made me, golf newcomer, only recently playing at the decisively off Broadway Jinja Club, Uganda, think it would be worth studying carefully, and it was. It made clear to me that my proper handicap is not 18 but 23. I am grateful.

Picture 3: left Yves Thon-That in distress after hitting another player's ball on the green (2 penalty strokes),
right: sheer horror, this ball peeps above ground, hence is not classed as holed. For the solution: buy Yves' book NOW (http://www.golfrulesmadeeasy.com).

Markers.
If your ball touches the extreme fairway-side line connecting out of bounds markers you are NOT out of bounds, but if it touches the extreme fairway side line of hazard markers you are IN the hazard. Easy once they tell you.

Where to drop?
Do not look around where to go to drop. Where = where to ball comes to rest after you dropped it (hence there is a short time span in which you have dropped but do not yet know exactly where!). How: your body posture and initial movement of ball and hand when the ball leaves your hand, from where: irrelevant. You are totally free to choose where to stand and in which direction to stretch your arm. Easy once they tell you.
Shit in your way.
First of all: it is not shit, or at least should not be called so. Loose impediments may be removed but which impediments are "loose" and which are not? One should not move anything "growing, fixed or firmly embedded". Where does that leave the fallen 300 kg branch? In the "loose impediments" class? Are you allowed to tow heavy impediments with your your golf cart? Borrowing, for the purpose a second golf cart from your flight? A third, fourth, from other flights? Drive to the club house to recharge? Like tax rules, golf regulations have fringe ends where the less stupid can play freely for a while until the real dummies start to copy and officials call a meeting. I hear on low voice that a local rule prohibiting your company's shovel as a golf cart is now considered as a genreal rule in the Federation. golf carts themselves are surely among the moveable obstructions (artificial objects, no parts of nature). Through the green, it costs you a stroke if your ball moves while removing a loose impediment (and you have to put it back), but not so with moveable obstructions. The course markers' pins in the ground do not classify them as fixed, you can put them aside, except the out of bounds markers. Ajajajajaj.

Prohibited substances.
Yves C. Thon-That inspired me to check whether golf has any prohibited substances. You might be interested to know what I found: YES! Recently a suspension was recognized under the Anti-Doping Policy of the International golf Federation. The news did not say what it was, but the curious got relayed to the Australian Sports Anti-Doping Authority. I made a call but feel shy of telling you what it was (http://www.internationalgolffederation.org). I find suspension in this case a bit hard. Playing 13 clubs for a year would have been appropriate.

NEW Flatulency rule to be proposed (mid 2012) to R&A:

When an over 50 years of age player�s action while adressing the ball comes with a fart, the player has the right to replace the ball, or, when the shot has created a divot, place it at the edge of it, not nearer to the hole, without penalty, but when the shot that came with the fart was from inside an old divot not further damaged by the unfortunate incident, and no placing is allowed in the game, the ball has to be replaced exactly.

Appendix 1: The envisaged flatulency rule would imply, in association with rule 27-I.a that a new ball can be used with no penalty of stroke or distance - by declaring the used ball lost, even if just inconveniently far ahead.

Appendix 2 [contested, under consideration]: Etiquette requires a ball declared lost in applying the flatulency rule, if retrieved, being taken to the club house and dropped in a basket to be put for the purpose in the dressing room.