Created 06-06-07
Last edited 14-08-29

LUI
Lethal Urine Inundation

Of course, you have always wondered why the earth's lakes and rivers are filled with fresh water, while the seas' tastes are salty. Here is the story. In his great, justified and righteous wars, the good giant king Gargantua, father of the great Pantagruel, employed a most eco-friendly method of destroying the enemy. First, he chased them off all high places. Then, he drank a lot of good wines, preferably the strong red ones from some particular plots in Bourgogne. This got him in the mood for a walk near to enemy, from where he would drown them in his own giant royal piss. This peaceful method of Lethal Urine Inundation surely made the local lakes and rivers taste a bit salty, but after the next rain season they would be refreshed and the salty piss would be washed to the sea.

It is sometimes heard  - yes I am ashamed to confess, even written -  that in such Lethal Urine Inundations Gargantua was assisted by his mare, but no responsible historian would come up with such a ridiculous hypothesis. Who in his senses would dare to even consider the great Gargantua letting his mare drink from the invaluable Bourgogne? Finished! No more about this!

Thus, it is because of the deep wisdom by which the good king Gargantua knew to employ his awesome and splendid urethra to the benefit of all creatures on earth that to some today the seas may seem to taste slightly unlike the rivers and lakes, and that they might even still be on the rise a bit (after all, Gargantua was a giant indeed). Let this make clear that this talk about "greenhouse effects" is all nonsense. The world is good. Gargantua's wise and decisive urinations have given a host of healthy, happy and eatworthy animals a motherly environment: the salty rising sea.
 

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